“Now, there’s always a solution. Before, it was always hopeless. I was always lost if mentally sick or physically sick, not that I get sick a lot. It’s been a journey with a lot of support and healing. I’ve spent lots of money on healing but I don’t regret it. Now I feel I belong to the way I am. I had been disconnected from myself.
“Maybe when I was five or six or seven years old, I always thought I was totally lost. My parents were lost too. But I was actually intact.”
“I went through alcoholism, forced sexually, dragged from a car.”
“I feel I do belong now but maybe there are different stages to that. Recently I read a book about a person able to relate to angels. They were loving and gentle and caring and strong too. The last six months of last year, I felt a presence in me. To me that means I’ve come to such a healthy state in my life. I haven’t felt it as much this year, but I keep telling myself oh well.”
“I stopped drinking alcohol, cigarettes, and started walking every morning. I started to build this connection with nature. I’m so thankful for where I am in my life. That doesn’t mean it’s always easy.”
“My belonging is not with family. Even my siblings — I’m so different from them and our mother. They’re fine people but my belonging isn’t there.”
Daisy pauses and looks up.
“I’ve just had a deep sadness pass over me. I had a near death experience 27 years ago. My son was with me and I fell and hit my head. It was pure love consciousness. That’s the only phrase I can think of for it. I wasn’t there in this form — there was no time, no material matter, no light, no dark. Everything is nothing. Nothing is everything. It was like I had a choice. In that split second — and the ambulance came and took me to hospital and I don’t remember anything — I believe all of me made the choice to be in my body on this earth. Just this last week I’ve been thinking about this.”
“When I meditate I’m learning to go back to that pure love consciousness. That’s my belonging.”
After we talked, Daisy sent me an email and asked for the following to be included. She signed the email, “journey well”.
“When I was first asked about belonging, I couldnt get any meaning or feeling, and I wonder if I’ve felt ‘nonbelonging’ forever.
“Then in reflection of your experience of the Great Grandfather mountains, and my own of walking in nature every (most) mornings, I’m coming to a place of belonging, it is with the Mountains, The Wind, The Trees, The Water flowing in the Creek; Rivers, and the Ocean, Friends, Butterflys, The Night Sky, Rainbows and all of Earthly, Water, and Air presence. This is me, this is where I belong.
“Thank You so Much Kiki, I am moved deeply to be recogizing I do belong.”
I met Daisy at the opening to Dolores as the Pop-Up Story Catcher for the Anywhere Festival, Tylor King Gallery, 5 May 2016.